Both Stromboli and I have been greatly annoyed over the way that the media keep picking on Miss Susan Boyle - the plain or, as Stromboli insists, "ordinary" Scots lady with the beautiful singing voice.
In a particularly mean spirited piece in Thursday's Daily Mail by some "hack" called Richard Simpson who starts off by using that, by now, tired old cliche. Yes, big yawn, he calls her the "Hairy Angel". As far as we can see, apart from an unruly head of hair (every woman's right, surely) her only claim to fame in the "hairy" department is a bit of a moustache and, even that seems to have been taken care of just recently.
There is a lady in a caravan not a million miles away from here who is covered in hair from head to toe and at £1.50 a "gander" , less expenses, she's doing very nicely, thanks very much - and no Simon Cowell looking over her shoulder.
Simpson then offended our collective, aesthetic sense by referring to her as a singleton. A very stupid word if you ask me - invented , I believe, by that "Bridget Jones" woman. Need I say more?
Susan is also charged with being miffed at being upstaged by another contestant. Miffed? Miffed?? You should see Beppo when Zeppo throws in another bit of "comic business". You would not think that a custard pie thrown by a malevolent hand could create such mayhem.
Simpson finishes off by saying that Lily Allen thinks that Boyle is overrated. Oops! Pot, kettle, black anyone? Coming from a young woman who makes a living out of "designer angst" singing songs in a mockney accent, as I believe it is called, that's a bit rich to say the least.
The Strong Man and I support Miss Boyle in all her endeavours and would just like to say, in best empowering style, "Go Susan. You go girl!"
MR Elmer Chantry, a traveller in ladies lingerie, from Devizes asks:
"Is the reason the ducks abandoned the lake house, which was so generously gifted by the taxpayer down to the fact that a 42in plasma T.V. could not be successfully got through the front door?"