It has been brought to my attention that certain shortcomings in my behaviour need to be addressed and so, with Stromboli looking over my shoulder, (he means well) I commit my New Year's Resolutions to paper:
1. I shall not feel obliged to eat all the unsold toffee apples at the end of each day.
2. I shall not bite the hand that feeds (literally).
3. I shall not water the plants in other people's homes (metaphorically).
4. I shall not drop my spangly shorts and "moon" at members of the audience - even if they have been throwing things.
5. I shall not pick the spangles off my spangly shorts just because I am bored and have nothing else to do.
6. I will sit still while the nice make up lady combs my parting and puts on the Brylcreem.
7. I will not eat the Brylcreem.
8. I will finish things once I have started............
Wait a minute Stromboli has just gone out to see the Boss about something. Just time for me to nip out and fill up on toffee apples. It was a slack night to-night. There's probably tons left. Anyway, what sort of resolution is it if you can't break it? Eh? Eh?
Happy New Year to all my fans! A big sloppy kiss to you all!
P.S. did you know that because of my extra wide and elastic
lips I can kiss at least three people at a time - not that I
ever get the chance.
2 months ago